Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69 (2008) - By Duane L. Martin

Film Reviews: Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69 (2008) - By Duane L. Martin
Posted on Thursday, July 02, 2009 @ 00:19:16 Mountain Daylight Time by Duane

Ok, I'm going to make this short and sweet, starting with a synopsis from Wild Eye Releasing on IMDB since they basically spelled out what this movie is about quite well.

Enter Stalag 69, where torture is just the Beginning for this bloody band of Nazi Butchers! Germany, 1945. Stalag 69, a POW camp ruled by the sadistic SS commandant Helmet Schultz, is nothing but a blood-soaked playground for this perverse Nazi monster who uses his American, Russian, and British prisoners in cruel and ghastly biochemical weapons experiments. When a group of young, wanton USO girls are captured and fall into the hands of Schultz and his battalion of butchers, the brutality is turned up and the unsuspecting girls are gored, gouged and ground up - all for the pleasure of Schultz and his SS brothers and sisters. Now it's up to the rag-tag survivors of the camp to strike back against their captors and Escape from Stalag 69, alive or on a slab!

Sounds exciting doesn't it? Well unfortunately, it wasn't. This film was actually so horribly dumb and poorly acted, I could barely make it through it. I mean seriously, the story was just inane, the acting was completely awful in every sense of the word, complete with fluctuating accents, no real accent on some characters that should have had accents and just incredibly poor and unbelievable casting choices.

Here's a good example of how lame the story is. This guy who ran the Nazi prison camp and was doing all the experiments on the prisoners and torturing them, well the Israelis caught up with him well on after the war. It was two Israeli female, probably Mossad agents. Now being married to an Israeli, I'm pretty sure Israel wouldn't send a team of two just two women after a Nazi, if they'd even send women at all. I do know they sure as hell wouldn't act like these two idiots did, because they totally flubbed it and got themselves killed. Once they were dead, the guy runs out of his house and is running through the woods, kills another random guy for no real reason, and then ends up in a church, where he proceeds to sit down in the confessional so he can tell his story to the priest. Why??? Then at the end of it, it turns out the priest was in that camp and had his nads burned off with acid, and after some of the most horribly written and horribly delivered dialogue I've ever seen, he blows the Nazi guy away with a shotgun! What the hell is a priest doing with a shotgun? More to the point, what the hell is a priest doing with a shotgun in the confessional???

My god, I'm sorry but this movie was just bad on every level. Brian Morton liked it when he reviewed it here in the magazine a while back, but man, I just couldn't hardly sit through it. I'm not a big fan of watching long scenes of people being tortured when it really adds nothing to the story. It gets really boring really fast, especially when you get these scenes like when two different guys had their penises cut off that were so utterly fake looking as to be laughable. It actually happened in two different scenes, it wasn't two guys in the same scene. Why do it twice?

Now don't get me wrong here. I have no problem at all with exploitation films, as long as they're good. This one wasn't. End of story. Sure it has some hot, nekkid girls in it, but that's not enough to make a good film, and honestly, I was so bored with the film, I couldn't even get into the hot girls. That should tell you everything right there.

This DVD is a special edition and has a LOT of extra stuff on it, which is cool. Wild Eye Releasing does put out as good a quality releases as it possibly can, but that doesn't mean the film itself is good. It just means that they try to give you value for money. In this case, the film was horrible, but all the extras add quite a bit of value to the DVD itself.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say about it. It's my recommendation that you avoid this one, but Brian seemed to like it, so maybe it's just me. If you feel up to a challenge, you can check it out and make your own decision.